One step ahead
Saturday, 9 July 2011 | 03:29 | 0 comments

Punk Rawker

To be a punk rawker, you need to listen to lots of Bowling for Soup, Sr71, and Sum41. If you want to spike your hair, make sure the spikes are no longer than 4" or you're gay. Also dye your hair blonde. If it isnt blonde, you're gay. If you want a mohawk, be sure NOT to shave your head...just use gel to put all your hair in a mohawk. Or if your hair is too long, just put a little of the middle up, and let the rest hang down. Stay away from weird colors. These mean that you are a poser.
Also, you need to wear band shirts of bands you don't even know. This will make you seem "plugged in" to the music culture.
Now its time to go get some skate shoes. These will show everyone that you mean business, and you are punk. Make sure your skate shoes are name brand and make sure they cost at least $70. Once you have those, you need to start a punk band.
Make sure you do lots of Bowling for Soup covers, and soon you will get noticed. If you get offered a major record label, TAKE IT. You don't want to be poor and starving in the streets, do you? Ok now that you have a major record label, play whatever the record company tells you to. If you do this, you are punk. You have to buddy up with band members from Bowling for Soup and Sum41 too, that will make you really punk, to have punk friends.
Also remember that that the guys who go around in tight pants and have mohawks are just posers. They will try anything to be punk. They try to make people think that punk is more than just fashion, but punk is about being mainstream and looking good. They also give you all that "punk is a way of life" nonsense. Who do they think they are fooling? They always bitch and whine about how things were better back in the 80's when punk meant something, but back then it wasn't half as popular as it is today, so they should be thankful that everyone can be a punk now.

Things to avoid when you are a punk

Studded clothing (leather jackets, vests, etc...)

These are's ok to have a studded belt though...just look at Avril


Posers love to wear tight pants (jeans or plaid). Those are only OK if they're from Hot Topic. If you don't like the look then be sure to get all your pants from Abercrombie and Fitch, or if you want to be really hardcore punk then wear Dickies. Most real punks wear Dickies.


Most posers wear poser combat/army boots. Army boots aren't cool, unless you were in Nam, like me. I still don't wear boots though because people will think I'm a poser and I really care about what people think about me, and so should every other punk. Stick to sk8er shoes. You are only punk if you spend $70 or more on your skate shoes.


You HAVE to wear short socks that don't cover your ankle. If your shoes don't completely cover your socks, or your socks go above your ankle, you're gay.


Unless you have the socially acceptable mohawk (no shaved sides), you are a weirdo. Shave mohawks and other weird hairdos say "Hey im a frickin' weirdo", and other punks won't like you. So stick with socially acceptable hairstyles...not too long, not too short, it can be dyed or spiked as long as you don't go overboard.


It's ok to have a bunch of ear piercings, but don't get them in the tongue or nose, because that's gay


Skateboarding is gay, so don't do it, just pretend like you do. Real punks don't skateboard, but you need to get a pair of skate shoes, and if you ever make music videos with your punk band, put skateboarding video clips in there to gain popularity at the expense of the skateboarding subculture...hey punk is supposed to be mainstream, so shouldn't skateboarding be too? Also if you are talking on the internet to your punk friends and you happen to strike up an intelligent discussion about skateboarding, be sure to spell "skate" as "sk8" makes you look really really Avril.

Thrift stores

Only poor losers shop at thrift stores. Besides, all the clothes are dirty. Be sure to get all your clothes at HoT ToPiC. Or if you want to go for the vintage look without actually wearing your clothes for a long time, buy them at Abercrombie.


If you arent like every other punk, you arent punk....simple as that. You need to get skate shoes and stay away from weird hairdos and hats.


I can't stress how important it is to avoid this. you NEED to be mainstream. Underground "punk" is another reason those posers think they're punk. Don't let yourself become a poser. Punk is about being popular and mainstream, so DO NOT listen to underground "punk". Stick with REAL punk bands like Bowling for Soup, Sum41, Sr71, Blink 182, Simple Plan, Good Charlotte, and New Found Glory. If it's not on the radio, it's not punk. Even if you've never heard a song before, you can usually tell if it's punk or not by the style. Remember, any music from the 80's and late 70's is NOT PUNK. If it sounds exactly like every other punk song, and it's about girls or breaking up, then it's punk. If it sounds stupid and grungy and fast with raspy voices, then it's probably a poser band...especially if they are singing about oppression and anti-capitalism and such nonsense. Just turn it's poser hogwash.

How to spot a Poser

  • The Casualties (so hot right now)Here's the Casualties in their earlier years. What a bunch of posers! I bet they don't even listen to Blink 182. Just look at those stupid vests and their moronic hair. Not to mention they don't have any sum41 patches on those jackets...
  • Gaping Butt HolesWow can you say poser? GBH stands for some british legal thing (probably "Gaping Butt Holes") if Britain has anything to do with punk! If British people want to be punk, they should get citizenship here first. After all, Blink 182 is an American band, and they started it all.
  • Securicor CaresHere is a member from the band Crass...probably the dumbest band out there. They are another early band and were pretty much the ones to confuse everyone about what punk is...thanks a lot Crass. Good thing they don't make music anymore. God it would have sucked to live in the 80's.
  • OMG MAWSH PIT!!Here's what "punks" like to all gay and writhe around with eachother... otherwise known as the "pit" or a "mosh" or a "mosh pit". Notice how gay it is...a bunch of guys grabbing at eachother. They're probably listening to Liberachi or something.

More on posers

Hopefully now you know how to spot a poser. Keep in mind it's ok to listen to these bands ONCE IN A WHILE, as long as you realize they ARE NOT punk bands. Another way to tell a poser is if they are going to a "show" instead of a concert. "Shows" are places that posers and poser bands like to hang out. If someone asks you to a "show", just say "no a REAL punk" and spit on them or something. If you do spit on them, make sure there's alot of them...and don't worry, they wont beat you would be unfair since there's only one of you and a bunch of them. As I was saying, posers also like to hang out on bulding steps and in the street and stuff...that's gay. You should only hang out at Sum41 concerts or at your punk friend's houses and stuff...and occasionally the local Hot Topic to get Good Charlotte t-shirts (watch out for the Hot Topic punks though, if you don't "dress down" when you go in there, they will stare at you angrily, and NOBODY wants to be stared at angrily by Hot Topic punks...believe me. I had to learn that the hard way).

What to do if you see a poser

Like I said before, posers hang out in the street and at shows. If you happen to pass by one, be sure to swear and spit at them then run away. Be careful running though...if you wear your sk8 shoes like everyone else (which you should be) then the laces won't be tied and your shoes will be really loose and fall off. This is ok, just keep running. You can always buy a new pair with the money you get from the band you're in that took the major record label. If you don't feel like running, at least shoot a nasty stare or ignore them. If a poser tries to talk to you, just turn your nose up in the air and walk away. Usually posers won't talk to you though, especially if they see your Blink 182 t-shirt and realize how much more punk than them you are.

How to spot a REAL punk

Most real punks hang out at Blink 182 concerts and HoT ToPiC. Most people aren't cool enough to shop at HoT ToPiC though, so if you want to meet really cool punks, then go into HoT ToPiC. HoT ToPiC is the place to be, it sure does rawk. They have more Blink 182 and Good Charlotte shirts than you can shake a stick at. Not everything at HoT ToPiC is punk though, so if you see a cool shirt that isn't Simple Plan or NFG, be sure to ask the person at the counter how punk the shirt is...they would know since only people who know a lot about punk can work at HoT ToPiC. Be sure to buy lots of Dickies though, Dickies are punk. Here's some examples of REAL punks:
  • Sum41This is the band "Sum 41". Notice the goofy expressions...unlike the posers, these guys aren't afraid to have a good laugh once in a while. Notice the socially-acceptable hair: spiked, but not to high. as I said before, it would be gay to be spiked higher than they have it, also notice how blonde it is!
  • Blink182Ok we all know who this is...Blink 182! Now that's punk! Notice the hair and the ear piercings. Also, you can see the band shirt, as I was talking about earlier.
  • Simple PlanHere is Simple Plan...probably the most hardcore punk band there is. Need I say more?
  • Butt Fucking SonsofbitchesThis is the band "Bowling for Soup". Ok, once again, notice the facial expressions...aren't they funny?! What a bunch of goof-balls! hee hee! Anyway, as you see here, one has red hair, and thats cool, as long as it isn't mohawked or spiked too high.


Starting to see what it means to REALLY be punk? I thought so

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